BAD HABITS OF CLIMBERS

If there’s one thing we’re really good at as climbers, it’s our bad habits. When Brno artist Kateřina Šedá and her team announced the creation of a collection of national habits some time ago, they approached various sports groups in addition to professional ones. The answers she received were often lukewarm, a little something from each sport… However, after contacting the climbing community, especially through eMontana facebook page, she was flooded with a wave of different ideas, snitching or confessions… Climbers are just not normal.

We decided to give a little bit of credit to the bad habits of our editorial team and picked out a few typical stunts from the pile that we found either very funny, apt or even dangerous. Let’s see how many vices you can see yourself in…

[AJMA KLAJMA]

“Wait, you mean you want to go in a skirt?” Jiřka Dienstbierová snapped at the author of the article years ago. They were planning to move from Blatník to Brána tower in th Czech Paradise, so it was suggested to keep the harness on and run the hundred meters. But since she was brought up by legendary sandstone climber Radan Kuchař himself, she immediately explained that “only Prague people walk like this here” and packed her stuff neatly into her backpack.

Today, probably more people climb than ever before, and this cultural habit is coming under pressure. For some, it’s as if they’re broadcasting the information: ‘Hey, I’m a climber, look — I look really drippy. They’re intentionally showing off their shoes, ropes, or harnesses, and they don’t care if they’re in a parking lot, riding the subway, or waiting for meal at a fast food counter.

On the other hand, even these individuals are nowadays coming under pressure and, more importantly, in the firing line. They’re being hunted by the Rope Hunting Pro climbing group. One of their administrators, Matěj Nešpor from Ádr, describes how it came about: “The main concept was invented by Kuba Krecbach. He collects old guidebooks and found an addendum in a booklet for novice climbers from sometime in the 1960s that a climber should not display his heroism in the form of material on his backpack…” The boys thus continued the old tradition of tolerating only an ice axe on the pack. So the next time you’re in a hurry packing your pack at the crag, slow down and remember them. They have eyes everywhere — anyone can be hunted.

“I DON’T CARE ABOUT NUMBERS”

“I don’t care about the grade.” “I don’t climb for numbers.” Sure, you hear it every day, but who can you trust 100%? Some people are like, “Yeah, this looks like an ultra-beautiful line, but not enough points,” and they’d rather go for something slightly quacky with the hardest spot just above the ground… It’s all about skipping unrewarding grades like 6c+ or 7c+.

Numbers work a bit like money. They’re just there and they affect our heads. You gonna buy something/get into something you can’t afford? If I can’t afford it, I’m not gonna buy it, am I? A bad habit about numbers can be letting the class discourage you unnecessarily. “I’m not gonna try 7a. I’m only doing sixes now.” Yeah, but we all know how difficult it really is. So there’s another way to put it and lie to your partner. The best thing is when it goes well, he sends the route and says: “If you told me it was an 8a, I wouldn’t even climb it!“

Some people deliberately look for loopholes in the class to boost their egos. “Do you have anything viable for a lot of points? Never mind that it’s not very nice.” Can you see yourself in this? Don’t despair — this habit is probably as old as grading itself. Vlada Nehasil remembers the ’80s in Saxony:

“Back then, there were routes that someone announced in the sense that it was an ‘easy nine’. For example, Jindra Švihnos did it. And based on his recommendation, all the Czechs got up and ran to climb it. Or Westkante IXa (6c) on Hoher Torstein. Someone climbed it and said: ‘Easy nine!’. Soon the whole of Decin was there. I similarly praised Westgrat on Falk: ‘Easy VIIIb!’ (6b) On the recommendation of Milan Krauskopf. But it ended with a terrible whipper, so he went to the bivouac at night to throw sods at us because he didn’t climb it. He showered us with sod as revenge,” laughs Vláďa.

PALPATE ANYTHING

In the city, you don’t see the houses, you see the cracks between them… Instead of admiring ancient monuments, you’re wondering how to climb them… You grrasp all the crimps in your neighborhood, anywhere and anytime, or you put fingerlocks, handjams and fists between tables, couches or doors… And you comment, “I could hold this!” At every stone wall you declare, “Hey, good boulder!“

Diagnosis, deviation, or habit? Just a climber’s view of the world. The more advanced the patient, the worse the symptoms. The editors of eMontana documented this kind of brain impairment in 2017, when Mára Jedlička climbed the cult ceiling classic Zádama IV A1 on the Hippo Spa in Prague’s Barranďák on camera. The story of the acsent is here.

One of the world’s worst cases of this deviation was then captured by Adam Ondra’s crew in 2020. That’s when Adam sent the mega-heavy Exhumation 8B — a concrete edge that leads to the bridge of the D2 motorway just outside Brno, near the town of Hustopeče. “The best boulder ever built,” Adam said at the time. You can find the video here.

I KNOW EVERYTHING

Well, now for some of those stupid and dangerous habits. This one’s starting to spread, especially among novice climbers… To come to the gym for the first time, to borrow the stuff and to start straight away. What about the carabiners and belay stuff? Somehow it clicks in and that’s it. “If my friend from work can do it, and these kids next door, it’ll be a piece of cake…“

Last week, Jakub “Kubajz” Zeman, who works as a climbing instructor in Prague, sent us a few examples of recent climbing accidents, and the number of injuries in recent times has made him quite worried. What has he witnessed this year? He continues with his text:

A couple on the Off gym: a belayer with a tuber held both ropes at the same time above the belay device and the first climber fell into the last quickdraw. He flew to the ground, but luckily the fall was slowed down by the belayer not letting go of the ropes. They were both out as they were frightened. The belayer’s palms were badly burnt, the climber looked mostly bruised, his ankle was hurting, but hopefully nothing serious happened to him. The wall crew took care of both of them.

Jungle gym: the guy went for the autobelay, but put on the harrnes front side back — his central loop was on his butt. So he clicked into the small chalk-loop and climbed up. The instructor next to him noticed him in time and urged him to climb down carefully.

Mother and daughter at BigWall gym at the weekend: both inexperienced, they paid their entry, borrowed everything they needed, and the girl went to lead the route. She wobbled like a rattlesnake and her mom belayed her with a tuber. Only instead of holding the bottom rope, the mother had her hand in her pocket…

Two on BigWall gym: The first climber bravely skipped the first three clipings, but then a hard spot came up and he decided to sit down and rest. ‘Take!’ Boom! A bruised bottom and shame will hopefully teach him a lesson for next time. The poor guy tried to act like nothing had happened.

I BELAY YOU (A LITTLE BIT)

It’s a bad habit not to keep an eye on your first climber when belaying. “Hey, dude, how are you? How are you?” The belayer has a grimace, so he takes a few steps towards them and even shakes their hand in greeting… “Long time no see, huh?” “Well, we’re climbing outside now,” and off we go…

A video has recently been making the rounds on the internet of two French climbing coaches chatting while one of them belays competitive climber Sara Qunaibet. When she jumped off under the top on purpose, the belayer thought she wanted the rope and still gave her a lot of slack. The unfortunate combination of poor grip and almost no attention from him nearly cost her her life… If you haven’t seen it yet, take a look here.

I DON’T CARE ABOUT THE KNOT

This is also a blow that comes out of the blue. It can be due to a badly shortened rope (one part is cut off, so the old half marking can get you into trouble, ed.), a rope mix-up or again a lack of attention… If you don’t deliberately knot the end of the rope before th lowering, you can get quite surprised. A lot of serious injuries happen because of unexpectedly passing the rope end through the belay device.

Daddy climbing with kids in Labak, on top rope they were doing some 6a+ route. With the new 80-meter rope, they would have made it to the ground carefully, but apparently they took a different rope than they were used to. The joy of climbing the route, lowering… Boom! There was a hollow thud, a dusting of dirt, and then a moment’s silence, caused by the shock of all involved. It was broken by a little girl of about seven: “We’re not going to tell Mommy that, are we, Daddy?” Fortunately the story turned out well and the fellow, with the help of his friends, ran downstairs on his own.

THE WAY YOU DRINK, THE WAY YOU CLIMB

Another habit, one could say on a national level, is drinking alcohol in the rocks. 1) Drinking category: you are not focused, but you are not afraid… 2) Abstinent category: you are fully focused, but you are afraid. What will you choose? It also depends on whether you’re going to climb the sport or the moral…

“The Germans call it ‘Wie trinkst du, so kletterst du.’ Many people put this expression, ‘As you drink, so you climb,’ in a completely different context. Because most of the people who promote this slogan are waving like kangaroos, they are not able to climb in the morning, and that’s bad. It’s to confuse yourself enough to be fully functional in the morning and to enjoy moving around, not to enjoy the fact that your kale is messing up.“

A beer after a climb — whether it’s under the rocks in the pub or after finishing a hike at the mountain hut… It goes together like Czechs and beer in general. But if you can’t even manage a morning climb without pumping up your liquid morale, write down another habit. Despite the fact that some of the rings seem like they couldn’t have been given while sober.

GREASY DOWNJACKET

What about a greasy, thick down jacket? It’s what every climber goes for. The older, bigger and more patches, the cooler. It’s kind of related to the first habit — letting it be known that “I’m a climber”. Maybe there’s some evolutionary leftovers from the old days. Female gorillas also seek out the strongest one to protect them and ensure the safety of their young from other males. The number of patches may then indicate the amount of experience gained.

Lionel Burgr recalls that his feather boa was in such bad shape that he felt sorry for it and decided to send it to a company for repair. It came home with a note saying, “This is beyond us.” Which surprised him a little, “They’re cowards.“

We could go on and on about more and more bad habits. But we have decided to cut the article short here. And at the end of the text, a sentence by Jirka “Šerpa” Růžička, the founder of printed Montana magazine, is appropriate:

“If everyone was normal, we couldn’t survive in this world.” Jirka “Šerpa” Ruzicka

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