DIDIER AND „COBRA"

WAITING COBRA

Who in North America in 2005 hadn’t heard of the famous Cobra Crack? A fantastic, 45-metre long overhanging line hiding in the woods above the small mining town of Squamish, British Columbia. Known among the climbing elite of the time as the world’s hardest crack at 5.14c, Cobra has only been climbed technically so far. In the following years, climbers such as Sonnie Trotter, Nico Favresse, Alex Honnold, Pete Whittaker and Tom Randall made their mark on Cobra. This May, Didier Berthod also recorded his twentieth climb of the route. Nineteen years since his first attempt.

We’ve already published one interview with Didier. Didier was a Catholic priest then, wishing to be modern and reform the Church from within. Somewhere on the horizon, he also foresaw a return to North America and another attempt at free-climbing Cobra. “I have a daughter in Squamish, but I’m on bad terms with her mother at the moment. So before I go there, I’d like to get my relationships in order first. Otherwise, no,” he told Standa at the Swiss mountain hut (you can recall the interview here). That was July 2021. Little did Didier know that the very next year his fated wife Thomasina Pidgeon would answer his email after two years and he would see his daughter for the first time in fifteen years…

I painted the interview about Didier’s free ascent of CobraCrack as a short, punchy nine-question report. I prepared my questions and headed to the marina where we were meeting. The will to climb the route seemed to run like a red thread through Didier’s life and I wondered how he felt about it. It only took one question to decide the final shape of the whole article.

Your story in Cobra Crack has started in 2005. That’s when you planned the first free ascent, which was to be captured by filmmaker Peter Mortimer in the movie First Ascent. You finally made it this May, 19 years after your first attempt. What role does Cobra Crack play in your life?
I would have never thought about that actually. I mean I would have never thought about that me leaving a story like that with a specific climb. But yeah I’m happy to share that story.

CRACK CLIMBING AS A JOB?

I was a climber since like teenager I started as a sport climber like everybody else. I grew up just nearby south of France so it was all about sport climbing and even the French magazine because that’s what the social media back in the days was. The main topics were sport climbing and bouldering. And then, I got passionate about cracks like little by little, when I was 21 I did my first trip to Yosemite…

It was just like mind blowing trip. I got my ass kicked and at the same time just really got so passionate about it and learned so much. And from this trip until I stopped climbing at 24 I just been doing cracks. When you do cracks I mean it is also like a kind of a quest you know. You are looking for a beauty, because cracks are so aesthetic.When I did sport climbing I bolted a lot of routes in my area. So I knew the feeling of opening new routes but then, When I discovered crack climbing I also discovered that it is way more interesting if you are looking around for finding cracks.

I met a girl in the States, I think it was in Indian Creek. She lived nearby Vancouver and she described me Squamish for the first time as “an awesome place with bunch of cracks“. Also, she told me about one specific crack hidden in the forest, first ascended by Peter Croft in 1981 as an aid climb. Supose to be really really hot, supose to be really good and supose to be like definitely matching what I was in love with. I came to Squamish – it was the year 2005 I think. And I  have started to work on the first free ascent.

I invited Peter Mortimer to join me in my efforts. Peter Mortimer is a great filmmaker who was then co-founding Reel Rock with Josh Lowell and Nick Rosen. We also met in Indian Creek and became good friends. Word got around and Peter took me up on my offer to film the whole process around the first free climb of Cobra. At the time, Cobra Crack was considered the hardest crack in the world (for reference, the Yosemite Magic Line challenge at the time was for 5.14a, ed. note). This was before Nico Favresse came up with a new beta of the key move and dropped the Cobra to 5.14b, the French 8c. I spent two months in Squamish. 16 days in one trip, a bunch of tries, ultimately without success. Summer was ending and I had to go to work. I didn’t have any stable employment. I always made money in Europe and then went climbing with the money I saved. I left Squamish knowing that I would come back the next year and climb it. Little did I know that my life was about to change radically.

In early 2006, Thomasina became pregnant. I was 24 years old, she was 30. We were young and committed to climbing. Neither of us had thoughts of a family, a conventional job, settling down… Yet we decided to keep the baby. I grew up in a strongly religious family and have always considered life a miracle. But this situation has brought us some really hard times. I didn’t know if I should quit climbing because of my new role as a father and start making money instead. Eventually I thought I might become a professional climber. The first free climb of Cobra, filmed by an acclaimed filmmaker, could bring me sponsorship and enough money to support my family. I seemed to be well on my way…

I came to Squamish again, but exhausted by relationship problems. The body speaks when the mind runs out of words. An old knee injury echoed in mine. My knee was in pain since a couple of moths and once I arrived in Squamish it become way too painful even just to walk. I knew beforehand that I would probably have to have surgery at some point. But I didn’t expect it so soon. I had to go back to Switzerland as soon as possible to have an operation.

HARDCORE CHRISTIAN

I asked myself a lot of questions. How do I become a father and make enough money? And is there still any chance of becoming a professional climber? As I mentioned, I come from a very religious family. And it was during that time that I often turned to God for answers to burning questions. I wished that something would happen, that I would get some sign of help. That very night I had a very strange mystical experience, like an encounter with God. Suddenly I saw everything clearly: ‘For God’s sake, Jesus is real. The sign is my injured knee.“

I often talked to my Swiss priest. I told him about my experience, “I don’t know exactly what it was, but I think it had to do with God and the Holy Spirit.“

He answered me on the phone, “Wow, that’s crazy! Today the Catholic Church celebrates the Feast of the Holy Spirit. You must have been touched by the Holy Spirit.“

It all made sense. I believed I was the chosen one. I called Thomasina to tell her about it. That I was going back to Switzerland for the operation and that I would find a new way to father our child, find a job. I finally told her: “But I also met God. I am a Christian and I feel that I am chosen. You know, maybe I’ll quit climbing. Because after this experience with God and the Holy Spirit, climbing seems so secondary… It just doesn’t make sense to me anymore. I’ve always been searching for meaning of life. And right now, I’ve found that the true meaning of life is Jesus.“

I became a radical fundamentalist. Hardcore Christian. My life turned upside down in one day. I think it’s important to say again that I was experiencing really big problems in my personal life. I was 24, I felt like I was just a kid who was going to be a father in a few months and had no job. I didn’t have any other direction in my life besides climbing. “But climbing is not the purpose of life, it’s just a hobby,” I thought at the time.

The Swiss priest mentioned above fed me little by little the idea that I was the chosen one. First of all, I went back to Switzerland for an operation. Then I spent two months recovering from it and asked the priest if I could spend my recovery in their Franciscan monastery. The Franciscans are one of the radical branches of Christianity, they follow the gospel very strictly. I figured that as soon as I got a little better, I would have enough peace there to think about how I was going to proceed.

During my recovery, I kept thinking about my mystical experience. In the Bible it is written that the chosen one has the right to leave his wife, father, family, friends, his own home, job and children and follow Jesus Christ. He has the right to give up his earthly life. I saw myself at that time as the chosen one. The priest supported me in this, he managed to completely brainwash me, “You are leaving a pregnant woman, but it makes sense. Because that’s the path God has prepared for you.” I know that may sound crazy to you today, it sounds crazy to me too. But back then, it all made perfect sense.

„The Swiss priest fed me little by little the idea that I was the chosen one. ”

I didn’t want to become a typical 21st century man. I wanted to find meaning in life. Climbing was a great lifestyle, but then it all fell apart like a house of cards. That’s when Jesus came along and everything made sense again. I even understood why I never really fit in. Because I was the chosen one. It was no secret in my new community that I was to become a father. The community was ready to support Thomasina financially. They told me, “Trust in God. Now you’re here in Switzerland, she lives in Canada. She is a beautiful woman, she will find a new man and we will support her materially. God has plans for her and for you. You have a vocation, you will become a priest.“

I decided to leave climbing, to leave Cobra, to leave Thomasina and our unborn daughter. I left everything. It must have been an insanely difficult time for Thomasina.

CHARISMATIC HERO

I ha to call Peter Mortimer. Our conversation went something like this:
“Peter, I’ve decided to quit climbing.”

“What are you talking about?” He replied. “We’ve got almost a whole movie made. The only thing we’re missing is your final climb over Cobra. You can’t stop the whole thing now.”

“I didn’t sign any contract with you. I have more important things to do right now. I’ve been called by God. Now I’m going to stop being a child and become a real man, a disciplined Christian. I don’t plan to go back to climbing.“

About two weeks after my mystical experience, twenty-seven-year-old, super-strong Canadian Sonnie Trotter made the first free climb of Cobra. Photographer Paul Bride took a chance and a video of the first climb starring Sonnie went viral in America.

Peter Mortimer ended our film together with a last interview with me, in which I publicly say that I am going to a monastery. That’s the end of First Ascent. I think that’s where the germ of why Thomasina isn’t a fan of this whole chapter of my life started. While she was having a baby, First Ascent entered the outdoor film world and was a huge success. Peter Mortimer is a very strong storyteller. The script was ready for my success. I played the lead in the movie. I was the hero, the legend who just give up climbing and go in the monastery. And also like very kind of charismatic dude, even though I wasn’t the guy who sent the Cobra. But I was no hero to Thomasina at the time. I was the one who left her alone with the baby.

“I was no hero to Thomasina at the time. I was the one who left her alone with the baby.”

I was already in the convent by then. I saw the movie, but I didn’t know it had become famous. I left the whole climbing community, I left North America. I spent thirteen years in a monastery. I haven’t been back to climbing in 13 years, unless you count the annual festival when we took the kids from the Christian community to climb for an afternoon to show them a fun outdoor activity.

I didn’t miss climbing. Being a Christian is also very addictive. You can get completely caught up in it. You pray, you explore your inner world, you do psychology… I started studying history, the Bible, theology, philosophy. The history of Christianity is woven throughout the history of Western civilization. Until then, I had no time for books. In my childhood, I spent my time in the schoolroom daydreaming about climbing. In the monastery, I discovered the world of intellectuals. I began to speak to people, became a teacher and a preacher. In that respect, it was a truly magical time in my life.

RETURN TO THE PAST

I was really into studying the Bible, modern theology and philosophy. Over time, I found that the Bible didn’t always tell the truth; a lot of things in it were made up. I was slowly becoming a Protestant. Maybe more of a Christian open to humanism. I was no longer so interested in the approach where the only life that matters is the afterlife. Jesus, on the other hand, wanted us to be interested in earthly life, to work at it, to try to make the earth a better place to be. Tensions began to grow between me and the Swiss priest. He maintained his opinion, “What is written in the Holy Scriptures is pure truth.” I could no longer identify with that. The gap between us grew wider and wider, until finally I left the monastery.

I felt the need to put the pieces of my life back together. In my new theology, I decided to connect with everything and everyone from my past, and thus ultimately with myself. With my own body and history. I was still a priest in the parish. But I re-established relationships with my family, with friends, I returned to climbing. Also, I wrote Thomasina at the time. We hadn’t spoken in thirteen years, except maybe a few times for money. After all that time, it’s impossible to say a simple “I’m sorry”. The whole situation is much deeper than can be atoned for with one word.

“I know I really screwed up,” I wrote to her at the time. “I’d like to come to Squamish and talk to you. I’d like to see our daughter if she’s interested. But it’s clear to me that for her I must be the biggest jerk that ever walked the earth. If she’d like to meet her father, I’d be happy to come, tomorrow. I left the convent. I work as a priest in the parish, I have a salary, I have holidays, I am free to come.” As a monk I had no holidays, not even an email address.

Thomasina didn’t answer. I didn’t surprise her. A pandemic had come into all this, so I wouldn’t have made it from Europe to Canada anyway. After two years, I finally got an email, “I don’t believe a word you say. But our daughter would be okay to meet you.” That was 2021. The borders had just opened. A week after her email, I was in Squamish. I met our daughter Cedar for the first time in 15 years. Better late than never. But it was very strange. Now I’ll sum up the next six months in one sentence. Thomasina hadn’t found another man in all that time, I was celibate so I hadn’t found a woman either, we fell in love again and decided to give our relationship a second chance.

FINAL COUNTDOWN

By the spring of 2022, I was back in Squamish. I didn’t come back for Cobra. I moved to where Thomasina and Cedar lived. However, even in climbing, I wanted to go back to where I left off years ago. I had already wasted the climbing form from my youth, so I have been training very intensively since 2019 so that I can return to Cobra one day.

I was also always gnawed by a sense of responsibility to the climbing community. I felt like an artist who had destroyed his own work. Now I was back to finish the game, to finish my part. I felt like I owed it to the climbers. These feelings come with age. The world doesn’t revolve around me anymore. I feel much more a part of the community. At a time like this, you can choose whether your impact on society is positive or negative. I was sure of my answer. It was similar to Thomasina. I couldn’t just come in and apologize for the years I’d been away. Words just aren’t enough.

I had trained, but I didn’t want to crash right into the Cobra. I didn’t know anything in Squamish but this road. So I wanted to start differently. I was looking for more joints, new lines. I spent my first year in a beautiful line, and last June I made my first free climb. I named it The Crack of Destiny and it is currently one of the hardest finger cracks in the world (5.14b, French 8c, ed.). After climbing this route, I finally felt ready for Cobra.

Last year I felt super fit. I felt like I was walking the Cobra. And then, on the very last step, I fell and broke my wrist. “Come on! What’s still going on?” the feeling was going through my head that maybe the path was cursed for me. My radius was in three pieces, my ulna was broken, plus one of the smaller bones in my wrist. I wasn’t sure if I would be able to climb anymore after such an injury. But the years in the monastery had pushed me mentally. I’ve learned to accept things as they are. I no longer dwell on the big questions like the search for meaning. I just accept my current state of health. Thomasina and Cedar were very supportive and eventually I was able to heal and rehabilitate my arm over the course of the year. By the spring, I was back in shape.

In May, I came under Cobra Crack with a clear plan: I need to find a way to place a new piece of gear in the last part of the road. I used to simply “run” from the last belay towards the top, but in doing so I risked a long and dangerous fall. Now it was clear that I cannot take that fall anymore. I was lucky and found a place for another gear on the very first day. I climbed according to the beta devised by Nico Favresse and managed to finally climb Cobra. Suddenly, everything went like clockwork. It was fast and absolutely amazing. My memories of Squamish in the year 2005 are: rain, constantly wet cracks, Cobra hidden in the woods with no view. This year, the condition was great, close friends were around to support me and the experience was just awesome.

It was just like, “Oh my God, after 19 years I sent the Cobra!“ It was so powerful to witness so many people from, I don’t want to say all over the world but almost, texting me to share that they were so happy. That all these years they believed that I would return to climbing and climb Cobra one day. I felt like it wasn’t just my achievement. But that it was a winning RP for the climbing community as well.

On the day I finally climbed Cobra, I also invited Peter Mortimer. It was a risky move on my part. It could have worked, but I could have ended up like Sisyphus. You know what I mean. The constant repetition of Cobra was beginning to remind him of his story, where he keeps pushing the rock uphill in front of him, but never reaches the top because the rock rolls back down each time. At that point, he starts again, and so the story repeats itself endlessly. I didn’t want to waste any time in that forest above Squamish, but I also had great support and wanted to get over that route. It was a great day for me. In the end, it took me just four days to cross the road over three Sundays in May. After all these years, there was a sense of coming full circle.

Wow.Such a breathtaking story. Only at this point can I ask you another question. The only one that comes to my mind is: “One big circle has come full circle, what’s next for your life?“
That’s actually a good question. (laughs) I missed the “normal life” train when I was a kid. But I don’t dream of a classic settled life. I think of climbing as an art form. I’d like to spend the next five to ten years pushing my art further. Discovering new routes, opening and repeating more beautiful cracks. I have at least three mega projects in Squamish – both aesthetically and in difficulty. I feel like I’m twenty years old again. I feel fresh and full of excitement.

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