LIFE IN THE RHYTHM OF RAK'N'ROCKS

FULFILLED BEFORE FORTY

I always dreamed of having children, a family, a husband, a house in the countryside, a dog, and a job where I could speak several languages, play volleyball for as long as possible, and travel.

Objectively speaking, I can say that I fulfilled all of these dreams before turning 40, with the exception of traveling. In 2019, we moved to a house in the countryside with a large garden near the forest. I could cook and bake in the spacious kitchen, which I love. I had a Czech husband and two wonderful children. Unexpectedly, a dog joined us soon after. I worked for a Czech company where I spoke several languages every day. I played volleyball. What more could I want? I grew fond of the quiet and predictable life in a foreign country.

But was I happy? Unfortunately, no. That’s why I started looking for the reason why… What was missing? The year 2022 was a turning point. I left my husband because after three years of crisis, we were unable to maintain our relationship. It was the hardest and most painful decision of my life. But I felt it was the right thing to do. I felt relieved because for the first time in my life, I was going after what I really wanted. Before that, I had always fulfilled the wishes of others. It was other people who were more important than me: my children, my husband, my family, my neighbors, my friends, my colleagues. I always gave in, adapted. In this way, I avoided conflicts so that no one would get angry, so that they would like me, so that they would accept me. What others thought was always more important to me. I made problems out of the smallest things and stressed myself out completely unnecessarily.

In the same year, climbing unexpectedly entered my life. In March 2022, I climbed my first sandstone tower, the Smrtka in Obrvégry. And I fell in love without even realizing it. Gradually, with the help of a great trainer and friend, I made progress and got to know the world of climbing: the atmosphere, the outdoors, torn and worn-out clothes, injured fingers, traveling to different countries, and above all, happy and relaxed people. I was fascinated and wanted more.

After a few months, when I started to feel happier and freer, a blow came. At the end of the year, I planned my annual breast ultrasound. I had cysts, so I had been very responsible about going for annual checkups for several years in a row. Although I received the request in September, I didn’t go for the exam until December. During this period, I was under enormous stress at work. In a department where five people plus the boss were supposed to work, I was suddenly left alone. That’s why I kept putting off this exam. December came, along with the mammogram and an immediate decision—I was scheduled for a biopsy (a procedure in which a tissue sample is taken for microscopic examination, ed.). The date was set for January 4, 2023, and I still thought that it was nothing serious, that the tumor would not be malignant.

However, on Thursday, January 12, around half past one in the afternoon, I heard: “You came too late.” The verdict was delivered by one of the doctors at the Liberec hospital… The world I had only recently begun to build for myself and my children, after leaving my husband and shortly after changing jobs, suddenly collapsed. An unidentifiable avalanche of thoughts appeared. Frightened, lost, and in a state of shock, I left the doctor’s office.

“An unidentifiable avalanche of thoughts appeared. Frightened, lost, and in a state of shock, I left the doctor’s office.”

Suddenly, the hallway was empty. The crowds of nervous people had disappeared. “Young woman, XYZ tumor—very aggressive, advanced stage, with metastases, please admit her immediately for treatment.” The doctor’s words kept ringing in my head as she called the oncology department.

“But how? Now? I’m flying to Siurana in a week. To Morocco in two months. I bought the tickets a long time ago. Not now!!! What am I going to do???“

I was supposed to show up at the oncology department the next morning, maybe even for my first chemotherapy session. In shock, I mumbled to the oncologist: “Not chemotherapy yet, but in three weeks, when I get back…“

When I found out about the disease, I had no idea how I would cope with it. It sounded like a death sentence, and in my case, with the worst possible combination of factors. I thought with horror that it was the end.

A NEW FORM OF THERAPY

But then I got more involved in something that turned out to be my salvation—climbing… I wondered why now, at this age??? After all, for women “just” before forty, there are other more interesting sports activities than “boring scrambling up and sliding down a rope.” And then there are the perpetually injured hands. After all, I have my volleyball, which I’ve been playing for a dozen years.

Climbing unexpectedly turned out to be my new passion. It consumed me. I loved spending time outdoors in all kinds of weather conditions throughout the year, discovering new rock peaks and pushing my own limits. At first, I thought I would have to give up all activities, including climbing, which I had just discovered for myself. However, I soon realized that climbing could be not only a way to relax or escape from this sick reality, but above all a form of therapy.

During intensive treatment, time spent on the rocks became my most important form of non-invasive therapy. Climbing required my complete focus and concentration, which allowed me to detach myself from thoughts of illness for a while. In addition, physical exertion helped me strengthen my body and mind, which was key in fighting cancer. Being in nature, where there were no crowds of people constantly asking me, “How are you feeling? How are you doing?” I didn’t have to tell anyone about my illness and treatment, which was a balm for my body and soul. Especially since I had to temporarily give up volleyball.

Climbing also gave me a sense of control over my life. At a time when everything seemed uncertain and chaotic, it gave me confidence and motivation to fight. Overcoming difficulties on overhanging walls reminded me that I was strong and capable of overcoming any obstacle. Sometimes I fell, sometimes I had to take a step or two back, sometimes I asked for help and sat on the rope to catch my breath, sometimes they pulled me up easily, sometimes I just belayed, sometimes I just sat under the rock, sometimes I backed away from the difficult route, and sometimes I just stayed in bed. But I didn’t give up, I didn’t complain, I didn’t look for excuses. Of course, there were moments of doubt, great pain, and suffering. But in the beginning, I decided to take my life into my own hands and start really living. To start fulfilling my dreams. “Because when, if not now? It may not be here later,” I told myself.

I think my approach helped me a lot: I didn’t ask why me, I didn’t whine, I didn’t complain, I didn’t focus on the side effects, and I didn’t play the victim. Above all, I didn’t think I was sick at all. It’s just that now I have to undergo this and that treatment. I made friends with the pain that accompanied me every moment. I accepted this condition.

On the other hand, my defensive reaction was to run away. I ran away from most people, from their constant questions, pity, but also their concerns and fears for me. I ran away from the constant “Everything will be fine, you’ll see.” How can anyone know that everything will be okay? After all, this is the most aggressive type of cancer. Suddenly, so many people were interested in me, asking about my health and treatment. To protect myself from talking and thinking about the disease, I didn’t answer the phone, I interrupted calls, I didn’t reply to messages. Was it selfish? Yes, it was. But it helped me. The most important thing now was me, my health, and my children—so that they would be affected as little as possible by my illness.

At this stage of the illness, one of my friends helped me the most. He simply took me rock climbing as often as possible. My new group of climbing partners accepted me with my headscarf, without hair, weaker, thinner… And without unnecessary questions. I really appreciated that.

I quickly realized that climbing had also become my teacher in life. Thanks to it, I discovered how to really live. One might ask, “But how?” Very simply: STEP BY STEP.

“Climbing has become my teacher in life. Thanks to it, I have discovered how to truly live. Very simply: STEP BY STEP.”

When climbing, we focus only on the single move we have to take. With concentration and the right technique, we try to take this move as best we can. Of course, we analyze the situation, the conditions, our abilities and possibilities, our strength, fear, or even what climbing shoes we have on, who is belaying us, whether we can risk falling, or whether it is better to take two smaller intermediate moves. We don’t worry about the moves that come a few meters higher, or whether we can manage them, or what will happen next. We simply focus on the current situation and the movement at hand. Then we move on to the next one. We struggle with our own limitations, weaknesses, fears, and concerns. Sometimes our attempts fail, sometimes we fall, sometimes we unexpectedly drop a piece of rock in our hand, sometimes we have to go back and do the sequence differently. Other times, we try to do one move repeatedly and train a difficult sequence for a long time. But we don’t give up, we climb higher and higher. We set ourselves ever greater challenges and fight for every centimeter.

In the same way, I went through the entire range of available treatments (chemotherapy, mastectomy, radiotherapy, biological therapy, hormone therapy), which were so invasive that I will probably feel their effects for the rest of my life. Nevertheless, I focused on each step and tried not to get too far ahead of myself. Step by step, I went through the entire treatment plan: I accepted the pain, suffering, and limitations, but I did my thing and didn’t lose sight of my goal.

The goal of climbing is somewhere up there, at the top, in the distance… It determines the direction. However, it is not the most important thing. The most important thing is the journey and our struggle, our efforts. At the top, after clipping in, it’s time for a breath of relief, joy, and happiness. It’s time to look at the journey you’ve overcome from a completely different perspective and say to yourself, “Wow, how high I’ve climbed, I did it! How beautiful it is here. How wonderful the world looks from this height, different. And I am so tiny.” The satisfaction we feel up there is unique. So exceptional. It cannot be described in a few words. You just have to feel it and experience it.

Climbing also teaches us patience, determination, and perseverance. Every move on the wall requires concentration, precision, and confidence in your own strength and abilities. At the same time, it is also a lesson in humility, because even the most experienced climbers should respect nature and be aware of their smallness in the face of its power.

LIFE 2.0

Climbing is also the art of dealing with uncertainty and risk. Every decision can have consequences, so it is important to be able to assess the situation, make the right decision, and accept the consequences of your actions.

In conclusion, I want to say that thanks to climbing, I not only survived a long cancer treatment, but I also became stronger and more confident. I gained a new perspective on life and my battle with the disease. I realized that I am stronger than I ever thought I was and that I can overcome any obstacle if I fight and don’t give up. I finally started fulfilling my dreams of traveling. Climbing made it possible.

I discovered that “nothing is impossible.” After the mastectomy, there was a high risk that I would never be able to play sports such as volleyball or climbing again (the surgeon mentioned these two sports just before the operation, without knowing that they were my main activities, author’s note). Fortunately, he was wrong. I returned to climbing and volleyball and became better. Step by step, I am rebuilding my life from scratch, from the ground up. Because everything fell apart: my marriage, my job, my house, my family… I am being reborn, I have more energy, and above all, I am happier and more aware of every moment. I don’t waste time.

CARPE DIEM

After treatment, my body is much weaker. I get tired more quickly. Walking uphill is a big challenge. I need a lot of sleep. My right hand and arm are somewhat limited in movement—sometimes I feel pain. Chemotherapy has damaged my nervous system a lot. Neuropathy, slowed reactions, poor concentration, dizziness, and so on. For the next five years, I have to go for frequent check-ups because there is a high risk of the disease returning. I won’t lie: every visit to the hospital is a huge trauma and stress for me. But I know it’s very important.

I am healthy—I can shout it out loud, but for now, only timidly and humbly. Doctors don’t like to say that a person is healthy. Rather, they say that the disease is in remission. But after two and a half years, I am healthy and happy!

Thanks to cancer and climbing, I have learned that if you believe in yourself and fight for your dreams, you can achieve many things in life. I stopped worrying about stupid things, making assumptions and problems out of trifles, caring about what others think and say about me… I follow my heart and intuition, I look at what is important for me and my children. My goal is to live each day to the fullest, to carve it out in a way that makes me happy, to do the things I love, to meet people who inspire me, support me wisely, and uplift me, and to be grateful for everything. Even for the little things that most people take for granted, but I no longer do. I am grateful for cancer because it gave me a second chance to live a better, more conscious, and happier life. I make my own decisions, and that’s beautiful.

My climbing plans? To be on the rocks as often as possible. To climb harder and harder routes on limestone. I dream of 7a, but so far I’m at 6a+, so I still have a long way to go. I feel best on sandstone. But I have great respect for it. I value my life much more, I weigh the risks, and I don’t want to take unnecessary risks with my ambitions. That’s why I would like to try some classic routes on sandstone, but rather very easy ones. I would only choose difficult ones with good belays. At the moment, I climb as a follower on traditional sandstone, but I don’t mind. My head isn’t working quite right yet.

I’ve also fallen in love with the Alps and higher mountains. I’ve already climbed a few peaks up to 2,400 meters above sea level. Even one in winter conditions. I would like to go to the Himalayas and climb to 5,000 meters. Or even 6,000 meters? We’ll see. I would also like to see the queen of mountains, Mount Everest, from a distance.

_________________________



„RAK ’N’ ROCKS“ – This is how I named this most important chapter of my life—it is not only the story of my battle with breast cancer, but also a story about how passion and determination can help us overcome even the greatest difficulties. Climbing is not only a form of physical activity for me, but also a form of therapy and support in difficult times. That is why I encourage everyone facing similar challenges to find their “own rock.” Something that will give them the strength and motivation to fight. Because sometimes it is in the most unexpected places that we find the greatest support.

(Editor’s note: After her first chemotherapy, Monika flew to Siurana, where her hair began to fall out. They decided to cancel Morocco due to the local healthcare conditions. Instead, she climbed several times in Sardinia, Sicily, Austria, Germany, Corsica, Jordan, and Italy. She consulted all her trips with her oncologist, who was very supportive.

Monika, originally from Krakow, Poland, now lives in Zittau, Germany, in the border triangle. In her own words, she only goes climbing with people from the Czech Republic, so she wanted to share her experience with the Czech climbing community.

In one of the emails we exchanged while preparing this article, she wrote: “I have a goal. If my story can help at least one person, I will be very happy.”)

______________